Fashion Week for Reality T.V.

I need to just write a critique potpourri of all the fall 2011 premieres I've seen so far, starting with the Rachel Zoe Project. I still have no idea why I'm so drawn to this show. I can't stand Rachael, her boy toy Joey seems to be tied with her as one of the worst people alive, all there is is drama, and fashion makes up about 1% of the show.... yet still, I don't even fast-forward a minute of it, which is more than I can say for Project Runway and America's Next Top Model.

Speaking of Project Runway, (add scoffing "oh" in disgust), they add a half hour to the show leading the viewers to believe that they have finally taken our advice and included judging of all the looks, not just 3 good 3 bad. I went in cautiously optimistic. The show usually takes about 15 minutes for me to watch. I hear what the challenge is, I see their sketches and initial projects, I fast-forward to where Tim gives them direction, then I skip to the runway. All the stuff in between is superfluous, boring dribble. I've said the same thing about reality shows since they boomed. If I wanted to see two trashy people get into an argument, I'd go down to the nearest bowling alley. Which brings me to America's Next Top Model, pretty much the same goes for this show, I watch the photo shoot, then I skip to the judging. At least at their judging, they talk to each contestant. I just don't get why Project Runway only talks to 6 contestants each episode. It's not like they don't have time. They have a whopping hour and a half. They could get street critiques if they wanted to.... oh god, please don't start doing that, I'd kill myself... ha ha says the amateur T.V. critic.

There was a challenge on Project Runway about 2 seasons ago. The only thing I remember is that it was one of the 2 seasons that had Models of the Runway after the show (I think there were 2). There was a dress that I can not get out of my head. It's been two bloody years, and I'm still thinking about this dress. I don't recall what the challenge was or what the winning design was but I can't forget this dress. It was pink, form fitting, stopped right above the knees and had rouched short sleeves. The designer was safe so the judges never even mentioned the dress until Models of the Runway. Obviously Heidi loved the dress, too, because the first question was directed at the model who donned the lovely piece. She asked what the model thought of her dress. The 18 to 22 year old answered that she felt "motherly". My heart initially burned until Heidi quickly chimed in, "a hot mama!" If Heidi loved the dress, which she clearly did, then why was it only safe? I've wanted to find that dress in any color, preferably pink, but any color for the past 2 years and have come up empty. I think that was the season I swore I'd never watch the show again. I haven't missed an episode since.

Back to Zoe. Ok, I don't think she's a bad person per se. She's just self-absorbed, monotonous (she mentions her pregnancy in every single soundbite on her show), deadpan and vapid. I think the last 3 words are more or less redundant, but I needed to emphasize my point. So why oh why do I continue to give her ratings?... actually we've mentioned this before, I give no one ratings because I watch no commercials. Side note to advertising people, You wanna get me? One word, BILLBOARDS. I'm impotent against them.

Another side note, ya know beer goggles? Well apparently they work on yourself. I just glanced in the mirror and I look better than I did an hour ago.

Ok, I'm getting so off track. Rachael Zoe. Her past two assistants left on very bad terms. We never heard how Rachael got her start. Did she work for another stylist then steal that person's clients? I'm guessing the story is pretty close to that seeing how she is. Joey. Not nice, but still kind of like his character. Rodger. Love him. love him (I'm not using exclamation points because I want this to stay true the the tone of the Zoe Project). Jeremiah is awesome. I don't know where he's headed on the show, but he has been a trooper from the get go. Obviously two self absorbed hags need breaths of fresh air or they'll shrivel up and dissipate. That's where Rodger and Jeremiah come in. By the way, Rachael's style is so not like mine, I mean, I love white, but I'm more French country, she's more French modern, but her house is awesome, thanks to Jeremiah. But that's what I'm getting to.... when the movers were late, he said something along the lines of: I don't care why you have disappointed me, I'm more interested in how you're going to fix the situation. I think that may be my new motto for life. And the funny thing is that he thought he was being rude. He wasn't rude. He was matter of fact. He got to the point and he got results. He is going to be a huge asset to Rachael who will ultimately destroy his confidence, outside relationships and pretty much his life. I can't wait to see more from Jeremiah, I hope he has a spin-off!!!!!!

Addicted to 24 Again

Recently I decided to go back and watch my favorite seasons of 24. Actually, I just wanted to see this one awesome scene from season 3 where Michelle Dessler shoots and kills a guy for defying her authority. The scene ended up being near the end of the season, and by then I was hooked. I figured since I had already seen every episode of 24, there's no way I'd get hooked again. Boy was I wrong. I've never done heroin in my life, but I imagine this is what's it's like for a junkie. It's been 2 weeks, and I have watched 3 entire seasons. Season 3 was all right, season 4 was awesome (sorry to repeat the adjective, but it really is the most appropriate term) and season 5 was by far the best season ever of 24, with the exception of First Lady, Mrs. Logan's scenes, but that just made it easier for me to get through the season because I fast-forwarded every time she was on camera.

I don't know why I'm so addicted to 24. Maybe it's because I want an exciting life like Jack Bauer. Regardless, the show sucks me in, and I don't think I can ever watch it again after I'm done with this 24th episode of season 5 because I neglect every other responsibility in my life (except for my child of course) when I'm watching the show.

It's obviously written by men. They make women look mentally weak and emotionally fragile (stop agreeing with the writers), but they should've at least gotten a couple women's input on certain criteria. For instance, I just watched the scene where Jack asks Mike Novak to stall the President. He reluctantly answers, "I'll try." Really? As a woman, I need no help stalling people. How long do you need me to keep someone away? I can talk for 2 hours straight if you need me to. Have you ever told a woman that you were in a hurry and needed to go immediately? How long before she ended the conversation? I bet it wasn't one second later.

Addendum: Mike Novak asks the first lady to do it. I stand corrected.

I need to vent, and since nobody actually reads this, I figured this is as good a journal as any. I've now been married just more than a year. It has certainly been a difficult year as any new marriage is. We brought a child into the world 4 months after the wedding so either I have the gestation period of a beagle or I was knocked up at the ceremony. You draw your own conclusions.

The truth is, we have been together now for several years. We're both in our thirties and honestly, if you think I'm a trick for doing things out of order, please allow me to judge your lifestyle choices and we will see who is the morally corrupt person.

Recently, I tried out for Top Chef. I've heard nothing so I think it's safe to say, I didn't make it. I'm not too bummed out. I didn't feel as qualified as my opponents, and I definitely didn't have the passion to make it as some others. I've never actually seen an episode of Top Chef. People seem shocked when I say this. I've also never seen an episode of Hell's Kitchen, and I only watch the food network when my best friend, Vanessa, turns it on. Although I don't presently work in a full service kitchen (I'm baking cupcakes at a chain), the LAST thing I want to do when I come home is turn on the T.V. and watch the same thing I've been doing all day.

I've watched a couple minutes here and there of the formerly mentioned cooking shows, and it's raised my blood pressure so much that I've had to turn it off. That being said, it's probably a good thing for my heart and my head to not have made it onto Top Chef. Not to say that I don't love cooking. I do. I love food. I love going to restaurants, and I love preparing a meal with no previous thought as to what I will make. I love just going into my fridge and cabinets and seeing what is about to go bad and making it into some delicious concoction that I will savor to its last crumb (usually following a wee bit of herb to really get the appetite juices flowing).

My kitchen is small and outdated, but it's mine. I can't start anything until it's clean, and usually that takes me a good hour because I have 3 people (me, my husband and my baby) to clean up after. Aside from the couple little annoyances that he does, like instead of taking 30 seconds to wash a dirty pan, he'll take 2 minutes to bend over, open the cabinet, pick up the Russian Doll collection of pans to dirty a new one, now creating 2 dirty pans or putting dishes in the dishwasher without rinsing them, I actually don't have a problem cleaning up after him.

I actually like the idea of an old fashioned household where he brings home the bacon and I cook it. I like the role of housewife/homemaker. HOWEVER, I am now noticing that several of my silverware is missing. Why is it that a man who will use a paper plate at home in order to avoid doing dishes will bring my classic, no-longer-made, silverware to work with him, and then proceed to lose it? That drives me BANANAS!!!!!! I'm now missing half my forks and a third of my spoons. Some of my plates are missing, too, but he probably broke those. I'm less upset about that. I want my silverware back.

Are the Writers of "The Good Wife" British?

I've truly enjoyed watching "The Good Wife". Not only are the cases cleverly twisted, but usually the protagonist firm wins. I like happy endings (get your mind out of the gutter... I mean on movies and T.V. shows). We don't particularly root for any specific character because there is no one good guy or bad guy, but the sleaziest of characters are pretty much the most likable.

Here's my problem. It takes place in Chicago. I'm from Chicago, well the suburbs, but my entire extended family, on both sides, is from the South Side of Chicago, and indeed they sound like it. Some are educated, some are very educated, but no amount of education can take those short sounding vowels and rough pronunciation out of their vernacular. I also know a number of Chicago lawyers, one of whom I contacted just to double check that it wasn't some jargon among the Chicago law community. So why oh why do the writers of the show say "phone" whenever anyone on the show should say "call". For example: "I'll phone you later." "She phoned me when she found out." I've never met one Chicagoan, native or implant, EVER to use the word "phone" as a synonym for "call". It's distracting and situationally wrong, and it drives me crazy every time I watch this otherwise really good show.