Fashion Week for Reality T.V.

I need to just write a critique potpourri of all the fall 2011 premieres I've seen so far, starting with the Rachel Zoe Project. I still have no idea why I'm so drawn to this show. I can't stand Rachael, her boy toy Joey seems to be tied with her as one of the worst people alive, all there is is drama, and fashion makes up about 1% of the show.... yet still, I don't even fast-forward a minute of it, which is more than I can say for Project Runway and America's Next Top Model.

Speaking of Project Runway, (add scoffing "oh" in disgust), they add a half hour to the show leading the viewers to believe that they have finally taken our advice and included judging of all the looks, not just 3 good 3 bad. I went in cautiously optimistic. The show usually takes about 15 minutes for me to watch. I hear what the challenge is, I see their sketches and initial projects, I fast-forward to where Tim gives them direction, then I skip to the runway. All the stuff in between is superfluous, boring dribble. I've said the same thing about reality shows since they boomed. If I wanted to see two trashy people get into an argument, I'd go down to the nearest bowling alley. Which brings me to America's Next Top Model, pretty much the same goes for this show, I watch the photo shoot, then I skip to the judging. At least at their judging, they talk to each contestant. I just don't get why Project Runway only talks to 6 contestants each episode. It's not like they don't have time. They have a whopping hour and a half. They could get street critiques if they wanted to.... oh god, please don't start doing that, I'd kill myself... ha ha says the amateur T.V. critic.

There was a challenge on Project Runway about 2 seasons ago. The only thing I remember is that it was one of the 2 seasons that had Models of the Runway after the show (I think there were 2). There was a dress that I can not get out of my head. It's been two bloody years, and I'm still thinking about this dress. I don't recall what the challenge was or what the winning design was but I can't forget this dress. It was pink, form fitting, stopped right above the knees and had rouched short sleeves. The designer was safe so the judges never even mentioned the dress until Models of the Runway. Obviously Heidi loved the dress, too, because the first question was directed at the model who donned the lovely piece. She asked what the model thought of her dress. The 18 to 22 year old answered that she felt "motherly". My heart initially burned until Heidi quickly chimed in, "a hot mama!" If Heidi loved the dress, which she clearly did, then why was it only safe? I've wanted to find that dress in any color, preferably pink, but any color for the past 2 years and have come up empty. I think that was the season I swore I'd never watch the show again. I haven't missed an episode since.

Back to Zoe. Ok, I don't think she's a bad person per se. She's just self-absorbed, monotonous (she mentions her pregnancy in every single soundbite on her show), deadpan and vapid. I think the last 3 words are more or less redundant, but I needed to emphasize my point. So why oh why do I continue to give her ratings?... actually we've mentioned this before, I give no one ratings because I watch no commercials. Side note to advertising people, You wanna get me? One word, BILLBOARDS. I'm impotent against them.

Another side note, ya know beer goggles? Well apparently they work on yourself. I just glanced in the mirror and I look better than I did an hour ago.

Ok, I'm getting so off track. Rachael Zoe. Her past two assistants left on very bad terms. We never heard how Rachael got her start. Did she work for another stylist then steal that person's clients? I'm guessing the story is pretty close to that seeing how she is. Joey. Not nice, but still kind of like his character. Rodger. Love him. love him (I'm not using exclamation points because I want this to stay true the the tone of the Zoe Project). Jeremiah is awesome. I don't know where he's headed on the show, but he has been a trooper from the get go. Obviously two self absorbed hags need breaths of fresh air or they'll shrivel up and dissipate. That's where Rodger and Jeremiah come in. By the way, Rachael's style is so not like mine, I mean, I love white, but I'm more French country, she's more French modern, but her house is awesome, thanks to Jeremiah. But that's what I'm getting to.... when the movers were late, he said something along the lines of: I don't care why you have disappointed me, I'm more interested in how you're going to fix the situation. I think that may be my new motto for life. And the funny thing is that he thought he was being rude. He wasn't rude. He was matter of fact. He got to the point and he got results. He is going to be a huge asset to Rachael who will ultimately destroy his confidence, outside relationships and pretty much his life. I can't wait to see more from Jeremiah, I hope he has a spin-off!!!!!!

Addicted to 24 Again

Recently I decided to go back and watch my favorite seasons of 24. Actually, I just wanted to see this one awesome scene from season 3 where Michelle Dessler shoots and kills a guy for defying her authority. The scene ended up being near the end of the season, and by then I was hooked. I figured since I had already seen every episode of 24, there's no way I'd get hooked again. Boy was I wrong. I've never done heroin in my life, but I imagine this is what's it's like for a junkie. It's been 2 weeks, and I have watched 3 entire seasons. Season 3 was all right, season 4 was awesome (sorry to repeat the adjective, but it really is the most appropriate term) and season 5 was by far the best season ever of 24, with the exception of First Lady, Mrs. Logan's scenes, but that just made it easier for me to get through the season because I fast-forwarded every time she was on camera.

I don't know why I'm so addicted to 24. Maybe it's because I want an exciting life like Jack Bauer. Regardless, the show sucks me in, and I don't think I can ever watch it again after I'm done with this 24th episode of season 5 because I neglect every other responsibility in my life (except for my child of course) when I'm watching the show.

It's obviously written by men. They make women look mentally weak and emotionally fragile (stop agreeing with the writers), but they should've at least gotten a couple women's input on certain criteria. For instance, I just watched the scene where Jack asks Mike Novak to stall the President. He reluctantly answers, "I'll try." Really? As a woman, I need no help stalling people. How long do you need me to keep someone away? I can talk for 2 hours straight if you need me to. Have you ever told a woman that you were in a hurry and needed to go immediately? How long before she ended the conversation? I bet it wasn't one second later.

Addendum: Mike Novak asks the first lady to do it. I stand corrected.

I need to vent, and since nobody actually reads this, I figured this is as good a journal as any. I've now been married just more than a year. It has certainly been a difficult year as any new marriage is. We brought a child into the world 4 months after the wedding so either I have the gestation period of a beagle or I was knocked up at the ceremony. You draw your own conclusions.

The truth is, we have been together now for several years. We're both in our thirties and honestly, if you think I'm a trick for doing things out of order, please allow me to judge your lifestyle choices and we will see who is the morally corrupt person.

Recently, I tried out for Top Chef. I've heard nothing so I think it's safe to say, I didn't make it. I'm not too bummed out. I didn't feel as qualified as my opponents, and I definitely didn't have the passion to make it as some others. I've never actually seen an episode of Top Chef. People seem shocked when I say this. I've also never seen an episode of Hell's Kitchen, and I only watch the food network when my best friend, Vanessa, turns it on. Although I don't presently work in a full service kitchen (I'm baking cupcakes at a chain), the LAST thing I want to do when I come home is turn on the T.V. and watch the same thing I've been doing all day.

I've watched a couple minutes here and there of the formerly mentioned cooking shows, and it's raised my blood pressure so much that I've had to turn it off. That being said, it's probably a good thing for my heart and my head to not have made it onto Top Chef. Not to say that I don't love cooking. I do. I love food. I love going to restaurants, and I love preparing a meal with no previous thought as to what I will make. I love just going into my fridge and cabinets and seeing what is about to go bad and making it into some delicious concoction that I will savor to its last crumb (usually following a wee bit of herb to really get the appetite juices flowing).

My kitchen is small and outdated, but it's mine. I can't start anything until it's clean, and usually that takes me a good hour because I have 3 people (me, my husband and my baby) to clean up after. Aside from the couple little annoyances that he does, like instead of taking 30 seconds to wash a dirty pan, he'll take 2 minutes to bend over, open the cabinet, pick up the Russian Doll collection of pans to dirty a new one, now creating 2 dirty pans or putting dishes in the dishwasher without rinsing them, I actually don't have a problem cleaning up after him.

I actually like the idea of an old fashioned household where he brings home the bacon and I cook it. I like the role of housewife/homemaker. HOWEVER, I am now noticing that several of my silverware is missing. Why is it that a man who will use a paper plate at home in order to avoid doing dishes will bring my classic, no-longer-made, silverware to work with him, and then proceed to lose it? That drives me BANANAS!!!!!! I'm now missing half my forks and a third of my spoons. Some of my plates are missing, too, but he probably broke those. I'm less upset about that. I want my silverware back.

Are the Writers of "The Good Wife" British?

I've truly enjoyed watching "The Good Wife". Not only are the cases cleverly twisted, but usually the protagonist firm wins. I like happy endings (get your mind out of the gutter... I mean on movies and T.V. shows). We don't particularly root for any specific character because there is no one good guy or bad guy, but the sleaziest of characters are pretty much the most likable.

Here's my problem. It takes place in Chicago. I'm from Chicago, well the suburbs, but my entire extended family, on both sides, is from the South Side of Chicago, and indeed they sound like it. Some are educated, some are very educated, but no amount of education can take those short sounding vowels and rough pronunciation out of their vernacular. I also know a number of Chicago lawyers, one of whom I contacted just to double check that it wasn't some jargon among the Chicago law community. So why oh why do the writers of the show say "phone" whenever anyone on the show should say "call". For example: "I'll phone you later." "She phoned me when she found out." I've never met one Chicagoan, native or implant, EVER to use the word "phone" as a synonym for "call". It's distracting and situationally wrong, and it drives me crazy every time I watch this otherwise really good show.

Years Ahead for "Mad Men"

"Mad Men" is one of those rare T.V. shows that just gets better the longer it's on. I don't think I'm being too quick to judge when I say they've just ended their best season ever, a season that may have held T.V's best hour ever (the episode mentioned in my previous blog). It's also one of those shows that saddens me when there are only 10 minutes left. I need more!

Last night's season 4 finale was, I don't want to say predictable, because I wasn't exactly sure how the writers were going to make it all go down, but it was satisfying while at the same time, left SO many possibilities open for conflict in the near future. We obviously knew Don would be engaged this season because his good doctor girlfriend, Faye Miller, so aptly foreshadowed that he'd be married by the end of the year. We guessed or at least hoped that it'd probably be Megan because of the way she handled Sally's little outburst and the way Don reacted to it. Speaking of Megan, I have loved her character. I love that she is Betty's opposite, not that the screen doesn't beg for more of January Jones, but let's face it, the writer's don't exactly make her likable.

I love that the writers mentioned Megan's messed up teeth just to show that she's aware of her imperfections and embraces them. I love that she didn't get all sappy the first time she and Don slept together. I mean, the writers knew just how to pull us in and make us want her want to be our stepmom. They also made Faye just the right amount of something wrong so we weren't too upset when Don dumped her, but still felt for the poor woman.

Now, what's to come in the next season? Well, I'm sure we can expect marital problems. Don isn't monogamous to anyone. I hope they won't end the marriage so quickly, though. We can expect problems with Sally and Megan. Even the most patient of people will struggle with an adolescent girl. And, I'm not sure if it'll be as soon as this season, but sometime down the road, Peggy and Faye will start their own firm, possibly even including Peggy's friend in the building. I've actually figured that this will happen since the very first episode of "Mad Men". I actually think as chauvinistic as the show is, it's truly about women emerging from their "place" in society, with Peggy at the forefront. I hope to have years ahead of us with "Mad Men" so there's no need to rush any individual story in my opinion.

I'll Take My Steak Bloody

My present sous chef suggested to me a while back that when ordering red meat, always ask for it cooked cooler than what I want it. For instance, if I want a medium burger, order it medium rare because kitchen staff typically tends to overcook it (at least in this town they do) and then it'll arrive perfectly pink.

Yesterday, the ladies in my family all joined to eat at the Nordstrom Cafe in Oak Brook, IL. If you ever find yourself there, my suggestion is to order the roast beef sandwich with the tomato basil soup. It's a safe and easy choice; you can't go wrong. However, this has become a regular meeting place for my family and me when I've visited home recently. While I typically don't deviate once I've found the right order at a restaurant, I also don't frequent most restaurants as often I have the Nordstrom Cafe. So I've been on the menu-search for another acceptable meal.

As I have mentioned before in previous blogs, sometimes I wish chefs would just make the couple things they make well, and no more. They can choose what to feed us because they are proud of those dishes and know they work. I rarely brag about my ability to cook because I honestly don't think I'm the greatest. I'm fairly new to it, and I still have lots to learn. I do, though, make a few things that I know are awesome, and I would throw down with Bobby Flay any time on this handful of items.

I'm not sure how the Nordstrom Cafe works, whether there is one head chef out in California who decides a standard menu for every Nordstrom in the country or if each cafe has its own chef who decides the menu. This last time I was there, I decided to try the skirt steak. It was prepared typically as you would expect to see a skirt steak, with a lime herb marinade, paired with some roasted potatoes, carrots and asparagus (asparagus is not in season, but even shipped in, it was still tasty). Actually, the veggies were cooked perfectly a dente, and while roasted potatoes are not my first choice of spud preparation, they were very good. The steak was the problem.

I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of eating at a Nordstrom cafe, but this is how it works. At the Oak Brook one, you go to one of several cashiers and order your food and beverage. The server comes to your table a few minutes later to pick up your ticket, then he or she delivers the food and drink, and you tip them. I do hope they share that tip with the cashiers, but doubtful. At the downtown one, you actually get your own beverage and you are still expected to tip the servers. Now I am the last person who'll complain about tipping. I've worked as a server for a collective 8 or 9 years before, during and after moving to the back of the house, but I actually did some work when waiting on tables.

The cashier is the one who took my steak order and didn't ask me what temp I wanted my skirt. She just informed me that the chefs cooked it between rare and medium rare. I said, "Perfect." Usually, when you are informed of how the chef will prepare your steak, there is no need to specify that you want it red. In fact, sometimes you should err on the side of caution and expect it a bit bloodier (that's not really blood on your plate) than what you're told. I never mind if it's too pink or red because if I honestly can't take it, I'll send it back and have then throw it on the grill for a minute.

About 15 to 20 minutes later, our food arrived. This was strange because everyone else ordered sandwiches, and I ordered a rare steak. The food should've taken 10 minutes at the most, and I'm including cook time for orders before ours. The steak needed about 3 to 4 minutes on the grill and 5 minutes of resting time which could've been included in the time it took the server to deliver the food. I was already worried. I cut into my steak, and I kid you not, it was brown.

The reason I don't have a problem sending back an undercooked steak is because I know I'm not wasting product. They'll give me the same steak I sent back. When a steak is overcooked, I deal with it because I don't want them to use an entirely new piece of meat, and risk that they'll overcook it again anyway. The steak also was still tender and had good flavor, but I was SO annoyed that they could have made that huge mistake. Did the cook just forget about it? Did the server just leave it under the hot lamp? I mean, how disappointing when you're so looking forward to cutting into the meat, having the jus just run all over your plate over the veggies and bread. There's nothing better. Then instead, you cut into a brown, overcooked, dry steak. I'm still not over it.

Looking back, if it happened all over again, I would send it back. I'd risk pissing off the kitchen staff (they'd end up eating it anyway so they wouldn't be too pissed) to get the steak I wanted, and no person in the world could've argued that that steak was rare. Chalk it up to the grill cook's error.

The Beauty of "Mad Men"

I absolutely LOVED last Sunday's "Mad Men"! The tension, anger, respect, loyalty, trust, protectiveness, and friendship between Peggy and Don gives me goosebumps and chills, and it makes my mind bounce like a pinball. It was the episode of the fight number 2 between Cassius Clay and Sonny Liston. The fight was the historical event used to help the audience that was alive during that time put things into perspective and help people like me learn a little bit about sports history. As for the story line, the writers broached the long questioned topic of the relationship between Peggy and Don. What is it between the two of them? I can't decide if I do or I don't want Peggy and Don to have a romantic relationship. That's what makes the story line so fantastic. I want them to end up together, but simultaneously, I know it'll ruin everything if they do. They couldn't possibly. When it comes down to it, Peggy might just be the young female Don.

While so many episodes are tedious and frustrating, we need them to get to episodes like this one and the finale of last season, season 3. Every character in "Mad Men" is neither completely likable nor dislikable. That's what makes the show so alluring, so addicting. In the first episode of the first season, I was furious at how women were treated. Then my mom oh-so-reminded-me, it was just the way. Obviously, not everyone agreed with my mom's mentality or women wouldn't have come so far, but no use in getting upset about the past now that it has changed. I have just learned to appreciate the artistry of Mad Men". Even during the boring slow episodes, I still enjoy learning about how it was versus how they wanted us to see it, meaning just because TV showed couples sleeping in 2 twin size beds 4 feet apart didn't mean people stopped having sex.

This week's episode returned to the usual less eventful anger-provoking, slow-moving solution-lacking stories. We feel so sorry for Joan, and then in true fashion, "Mad Men" makes her hateful and human. Even within that chaos of dissatisfaction, the viewer knows it's bound to end somewhere awesome. Why? Because the show has endless possibilities. While teen dramas decline when they go to college, while adult dramas decline when the main problem is solved, "Mad Men" has no expiration date and no overlying conflict. It is real, it happened 40-some years ago so the writers have a show that could potentially be on forever, as long as advertising still exists, "Mad Men" has material.

I suppose the Rachel Zoe Project is the only show on TV worth my comments as of now. It doesn't mean I think it's particularly well-done or that I necessarily like Rachel Zoe. It just happens to be an off season. Actually, like Project Runway, most shows on HGTV besides Sarah's House, which is the greatest show ever... right now(yes I see the irony), and America's Next Top Model, I fast-forward the majority of the dramatic junk and play only the artsy material. In this case, the fashion shows. I actually think that I fast-forwarded through an entire hour of Project Runway last night just to see the actual runway pieces.

In the case of Rachel Zoe, however, I watch the scenes between her and her husband because I kind of like Roger. As I mentioned in my previous blog, the theme this season has been whether Rachel will get pregnant or not. I thought she was in her late 40s, but apparently she's only 39, a bit risky for a pregnancy, but not unheard of. Roger really wants a baby and continues to press Rachel about it. She clearly is uninterested in spreading her love, or is just incapable of the emotion, regardless, a child seems like something that she'd just be doing to please her husband. I actually don't think that's an awful reason to have a child. No matter what, she'll love the child unconditionally when the little tyke joins the world so to me, the reason you get pregnant is unimportant. It's what you do during the child's life that counts.

I assume that the show will predictably announce that she is indeed expecting in the season finale, but I'm really really really hoping for twist. I want Roger to announce that he's leaving Rachel for a girl in her early twenties and that the new girl is actually expecting his child, and they plan on having several more as the girl is the fresh and ready child-bearing age. I think that would be the best finale EVER!

The Rachel Zoe Hypocrisy

As with most experts in their trades, I really don't care what their personality or psychosis is. I care about their talent. Whatever Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey do when they're not singing is none of my concern. All I know is, when they belt out those vocals, very few can beat them. The same goes for Michael Jordon and Tiger Woods in their respective sports, and I'm embarrassed to say this, but Tom Cruise, as nuts as he may be, is a good actor so as far as Rachel Zoe and her personality go, it really doesn't matter to me other than the irony that's going on in her new season.

While Brad is much funnier, light-hearted and relaxed without Taylor around, he's a bit bitchy whenever she's mentioned. The whole reason she was fired (besides the alleged theft) was that she had a bad attitude. So why are Rachel and Brad bad-mouthing her every chance they get? Aren't they doing the one thing they criticized Taylor for? And as far as her stealing items, to me, that seems like par for the course. That would be the one perk of the job of a styling assistant to keep some of the merchandise. Why else put up with all the chaos that Rachel throws her way? Brad keeps saying that he hopes Taylor's replacement is lacking the drama, but with every insult he speaks, he becomes more and more like Taylor. Truth be told, is Brad as talented as Taylor? I don't know yet, but even with all of Taylor's complaints and chips on her shoulder, she had amazing sense of style, and I believe that many people in Hollywood won't care one bit about her past with Rachel Zoe, as long as they look good. I certainly wouldn't.

Moving on, I've always said that my dream job would be that of Sarah Richardson of Sarah's House on HGTV. She completely guts and reconstructs fixer-upper homes with a budget of more than a million dollars. I think my number 2 job would be that of a stylist. All they do is shop and borrow items all day long. Hardly any exchange of currency is involved; it's just free advertising for the designer. It's absolutely amazing. The only reason it wouldn't be number one is because you'd have to deal with celebrities.

And finally, did Rachel say, "When I'm pregnant..." ???? How old is she? I thought she was like 50. Jeez. She needs some steak and a nap.

Ooh, That Denzel!

I love Denzel Washington. My boss thinks he plays the exact same character in every single role. I don't necessarily disagree, but I know he's likable in every role he plays, and more importantly, he's likable in real life. I started really liking him after a David Letterman interview when Denzel thought David was commending Gary Oldman's acting talent. Letterman was actually complimenting Washington, and when he realized the confusion, he actually seemed genuinely surprised and flattered that David Letterman thought he was a talented actor.

Most recently, I watched an interview with him about The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3. This time he mentioned that the makers of the movie had talked to him about the role, but he thought they were actually considering someone else for the part. Ha. If Denzel Washington is interested in a movie role, then the producers aren't looking elsewhere for any other actor. He is the actor you want for the role. If you get him, then you stop looking.

What a cool guy, huh?

What's the Meaning of "Dress-Up"

My husband and I were recently invited to very important party in his home town, a very small town, not near a big a city. The party was actually the first birthday of his brother's daughter. I know this doesn't sound like that momentous an affair, but because of a genetic disorder, there was a good possibility she wouldn't make it to see the age of one. By the grace of God, she did make it to this birthday, and at the last minute, they decided to have a celebration/fundraiser in honor of this day.

While my sister-in-law (the wife of my husband's brother) is young and hip, and for not having lots of money, still has very good taste, I've always described my husband's family as "for being one state over from my family, they may as well be from a different country". They are wonderful, loving and very supportive people; they just have a completely different way of life, and sometimes it's a culture shock to me.

When I received the email about the birthday party from my father-in-law, the Evite read "This is a Dress-Up Party". I, of course, growing up close to a big city, and having attended "dress-up" parties my entire life, wanted a bit more specificity on what "dress-up" meant. I asked my father-in-law. He repeated what the email said, "Dress-up." I said, "Yeah, I got that, but what kind of dress-up? Formal, semi-formal? Ball gown, cocktail? Business formal? or just going out clubbing on a Friday night get-up?" His answer, "Dress-up."

Okay, "What is my sister-in-law wearing?" He said that she was wearing her prom dress. With this, I have to suspend what I've formerly known as proper prom attire. Girls in this state dress very differently to their proms. Where I'm from, girls wear sexy, slinky, form-fitting dresses, usually the most expensive one you can get your mom to buy you from Neiman Marcus, and it isn't necessarily short or long, but certainly one that no one else will have.

In this state, girls wear these over-the-top, froo-froo cake-topper ball gowns. When I first moved here, I thought that they just hadn't caught up to the rest of the world when it comes to style and fashion, but it's been 8 years and they still wear these huge dresses to prom so I think it's just their thing, like cowboy boots in Texas.

The day of the event, I actually texted my sister-in-law and made sure that she was wearing a ball gown. I told her that I had one ready to go, but I didn't want to be over-dressed. She lol-ed and said that she was indeed wearing a fru-fru pink ruffly, lacy dress. Okay, good. Mine was a bit different, but it was definitely a ball gown. I had borrowed my mother's mother-of-the-groom dress, a gorgeous lavender empire waisted embellished Pronovias full-length ball gown.

When I arrived at the party, about 4 girls were wearing ball gowns, a handful of others were wearing cocktail dresses and every other girl was wearing a top and a skirt. I don't know why it's taken me so long to figure out the specific fashion in this very small town. It's probably because I find myself in so many different apparel situations that I get confused as to what's appropriate in each city. Since this small town used "dress-up" to cover so many bases, I decided to look up what exactly "dress-up" means.

I didn't actually expect to be satisfied with the definition, but I was pleasantly surprised. The first one I came across described it as "to wear one's best clothing". Now it all makes sense. Fashion is unimportant in this tiny little po-dunk town. Where I'm from, there are so many definitions of "dress-up" that the degree of "dress-up" needs to be distinguished. Where fashion doesn't matter, "dressing-up" basically means, No Jeans, No Home-Team-Football Shirts.

I finally understand, if I ever get invited to a "dress-up" event there again (and holidays aren't included, football t-shirts and jeans are welcome.. ha, it's like a foreign country), I will wear a timeless skirt and a simple blouse. It seems to be appropriate 100% of the time in this situation and aside from my being several inches taller than most women, will allow me to blend in much better.

Just 'cause you edu-ma-cated, don't make you smart

I unfortunately and accidentally heard a commercial while doing dishes tonight. I didn't have the remote nearby to fast-forward through it. It was for Mutual of Omaha. A woman named Altheia was proudly announcing how her mom was the first of several children to graduate from college. She then held of a photo and said, "This is a picture of my mother and I at my undergraduate degree." Altheia then went on to brag about she now had a masters degree.

Would it be possible to call Mutual of Omaha and ask them what awful degenerate low standard college gave this Altheia a masters degree yet didn't explain to her what an object of a preposition is? They actually put a woman in their commercial bragging about her high education while simultaneously making one of the most elementary grammatical errors in the book. I don't even know what Mutual of Omaha is, but I assure you, they will NEVER have my business.

By the way, if you're confused about what is upsetting me, the proper syntax would have been, "This is a picture of my mother and me."

Lack of Attention to Detail in Casting T.V. shows

At first the topic of lack of attention to detail in T.V. casting for me went no further than the height difference between parent and child. One of my many pet (or should I say petty?) peeves is when shows cast actors who are noticeably shorter than the the actors playing their parents. I will expand on this topic shortly, but now I've spent the last week watching live television in real time because our DVR broke and rather than slitting my wrists, I'm "patiently" awaiting our replacement. This means, I can't fast forward stupid, annoying, pointless drivel and I'm forced to watch every painful minute of every T.V. show. Wow! Who knew there was such garbage on so many channels? Even more importantly, who knew there were so many easily fixed mistakes?

Now back to my height issue. It all began with the first season of 24 when Vicellous Reon Shannon was cast as President David Palmer's son. Palmer, played by Dennis Haysbert (the Allstate Insurance guy), is 6'4 1/2". His son, while an exact age was never given, was portrayed as a man in his early 20s, full grown, and looked to be about 5'8". Have you ever in the history of your life met someone that much shorter than their parent of the same gender? First of all, I don't think I've ever met an adult in my life who is indeed shorter than their respective parent, and if I have, it certainly hasn't been by 8 1/2 inches. After seeing this discrepancy, I've polled many people on the topic, and even people whose voices got a little higher with their answer, "Well, I'm not taller than my dad. Maybe the same height." Still not shorter.

I couldn't pay attention to any scene with Palmer's son in it because all I did was dwell on the inexplicable height difference. An easily fixed solution? Yes. Is Shannon that great of an actor that he couldn't easily be replaced by another young black man who happens to be closer in height to Haysbert? Have you ever heard of him until now?

Ironically, the only person I can think of who is actually shorter than their parent is Kiefer Sutherland, nearly by the same difference as Shannon and Haysbert. It's quite strange. I wonder how short Kiefer's mom is or was. Still doesn't excuse the discontinuity of the casting of Palmer's son. The Sutherlands are probably one in a million, and 24 already cast an amazon man as Jack Bauer's dad so they used up their one genetic anomaly with that.

In the most recent season, Dalia Hassan, played by Necar Zadegan, is the 5'9" mother of her adult daughter played by 5'4" Nazneed Contractor. It's like Kiefer needs reaffirmation that there are other kids out there who happen to be bizarrely shorter than their parents.

Since then, I've been conditioned to notice this error in casting. Past shows like Home Improvement made the mistake of not checking with the parents of Jonathon Taylor Thomas or just not thinking the show would stay on as long for the youngest son to reach full height. The oldest and youngest sons on the show stood nearly a foot taller than JTT. I never really watched that show anyway. It was just something to make fun of if that topic was ever brought up.

Most recently, in the show Modern Family, the oldest daughter played by Sarah Hyland is only 5'2". I truly thought she was like 13 years old until I saw the episode where she gets her driver's license and decided to look her up. She is seriously 19 years old. If the show lasts several seasons(which I hope it will because it's hysterical), how will they explain the foot height difference among her, her siblings and the two tall actors cast to play her parents. It's bothersome. I believe the harmonious unlikely concept of the show more than I believe that 2 tall parents could spawn a daughter that short.

But now having to pick a show that's on at the actual time I want to watch T.V., I'm finding myself watching shows I normally would have skipped or at least only half watched, like Law & Order: Criminal Intent. They have now a new actress, Saffron Burrows, playing Det. Zach Nichol's (Jeff Goldblum's) partner Detective Serena Stevens. Her American accent is terrible so I obviously knew she was British (another pet peeve... Really? No American actress in all of Hollywood was better than a Brit playing an American). I actually don't mind Burrows that much in this role, though, so maybe she really was the best actress for the job. What bothers me is that her background is as a detective from Chicago. Ha. I'm from Chicago, and I've never heard a cop talk like her. Maybe she should go watch the Fugitive a hundred times and study up on those detectives in that movie (they're not real actors, they ARE actually Chicago cops). An easily fixed solution to this error in continuity besides changing where she's from: Nichols says, "You're from Chicago? You don't sound like it." Stevens answers, "My parents are British." Boom! 2 lines and the show moves on. They spend more time on suspense music than they would need to fix this error in her accent.

Finally, a major error in detail that has stuck in my mind for several years is from "That 70s Show". It was the episode when they all go to visit different colleges in Wisconsin, and they mention the Marquette Golden Eagles. Marquette didn't acquire the Golden Eagles mascot until 1994. Up until then, they were the Warriors.

Project Runway Gets Nasty

Last night was the season finale of Project Runway, and in true fashion, Emilio was overly confident and super defensive. We'd pretty much seen Mila's line with her 3 looks last week, and as usual, I wish I had watched the entire season on mute so that I wasn't swayed by my personal opinion, which was that Seth Aaron deserved to win because he was just a better person than the other 2. I was not disappointed, he did win, on his entertainment merit having nothing to do with his likable personality. Like I always say about talented celebrities, Whitney Houston may be a crackhead, Mariah Carey is as loony as a box of Fruit Loops, and most recently, Tiger Woods is a total scumbag, but that doesn't change the fact that they're awesome at what they do.

But everything else I want to say about the season is put on the back burner and overshadowed by the "OMG comment" Jay spewed at Cerri. He was SO offended by her criticisms of his work, which indeed, were unnecessary and petty, that he said he would never hire a model with bad teeth and thick legs. I screamed!... probably waking up my poor cousin who has to work first thing in the morning. Honestly, I think she deserved it. I hope that Jay doesn't get a bad reputation for being a sore loser just because he got a little defensive.

I had liked Cerri the whole season up until she encouraged and supported that bitter insecure clodhopping excuse for a model, Brandise, who decided to make it her sole purpose to beat down Brittany. Other than a bad complexion, Brittany was a doll. I honestly want to call the execs at Proactive and say that they've found their next spokesperson because Brittany would be perfect! She never once said anything bad about any other girl, and even when Brandise was unfairly attacking her behind her back and to her face, she had enough poise, grace and self-control to not say anything back.

All of a sudden, Cerri's mean side kicked in and she got right on board with Brandise's bad attitude. Just because Brandise was uncomfortable being over-the-hill for a model doesn't give her the right to knock down a sweet girl like Brittany who has her whole career ahead of her. Besides, Brandise is scary looking. I was never a fan of Mila's fashion, but I really didn't want her to win because I didn't want to see Brandise in Marie Claire, and I have a feeling that the judges didn't either.

Now back to fashion, while each designer had pieces that I did love, e.g. Mila's sequin dress, Emilio's gold dress, Seth's pea coat, but I wasn't blown away by any of the collections. I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but I'm actually sick of black.... and most of my wardrobe is black. It's like, "Hey! It's been done. Move along." I thought Emilio's pieces were perfectly pret-a-porter, but the colors were AWFUL! I was thinking Gantos circa 1985, and while we're on the subject, I'd put Mila's clothes right on the rack next to his. As for Seth Aaron, as much as Mila drove me crazy, her comment about a glamorous Hot Topic wasn't completely undeserved. All in all, I was actually kind of disappointed. I'm not even sure what's in style right now, but I thought that it was the incredible and creative use of color, which would put each of these designers fashion-backward. Fashion has hit a lull. It's time for every designer to get fresh.

Inanimate Objects Always get the Last Laugh

Do you ever wish that inanimate objects had feelings? When you, say, stub your toe on the corner of your bed frame or knock your knee on your coffee table, you could inflict the same amount of pain on that object that it inflicted upon you.

I was emptying the dishwasher this morning with the cabinet door open above it, and the corner of the cabinet just drilled into the top of my head. I almost instinctively started wailing on the cabinet in retaliation. Then the anger for not being able to get the cabinet back was worse than the actual physical pain.

It reminds me of a time that I was walking through a crowded bar with my brother, and some big oaf grabbed my ass. Instinctively, I turned around and decked the person. He happened to be about the size of a linebacker, and the amount of "pain" my punch inflicted upon him was about the equivalent to the pressure of a graceful declawed cat landing on your lap, but the point was that I noticed the vile act and responded equally and oppositely.

Meanwhile, my brother, shocked, asked, "Why did you just punch that guy?" I answered, "'Cause he grabbed my ass." My brother said, "Good, I wasn't about to mess with him." While I never got around to meeting the gentleman to find out if he was just a drunken idiot or a convicted rapist, I imagine he understood my dissatisfaction.

So how do you make inanimate objects feel the same pain you feel?

NCIS: Los Angeles not as good as NCIS

A few months ago I was surprised to learn that not only is NCIS the most watched drama on television, but that the new one, NCIS: Los Angeles was in the top 20. While I was surprised about NCIS, I wasn't shocked. It's good. The characters are likable, and Mark Harmon, even as an older man, is still hot. I know that they killed Kate's character because the actress wanted to leave the show, but I don't think that I'm the only one that thinks Ziva is like a million times better than Kate. Kate was a holier than thou, uptight bitty, and Ziva, well, Ziva just rocks.

After learning that the L.A. show was doing well, I started TiVoing it. It hasn't exactly captured my undivided attention yet. Now, I like Chris O'Donnell, LL Cool J and come on, Linda Hunt is from the Goonies. How could I not like her? When watching a new episode yesterday, the show began with Kensi, played by Daniela Ruah, getting shot to death. Then they did one of those cliche episodes where they go to 24 hours earlier and work their way to that shooting scene. I was psyched. I thought, "Hey! Maybe this show just got interesting." My husband and I both kind of hoped that she was really dead.

Disappointed, I was. I actually didn't watch the whole episode because it lost my attention halfway through, but I think the gist was that the whole shooting was a set-up, and it was all fake. So Kensi didn't die. I really think the show would have taken a turn for the better had they written her off. She just doesn't bring anything to the table. The scenes without her in them are more entertaining, and out with the truth now. That birth mark on her eye is SO DISTRACTING that I honestly don't pay attention to the plot when she's on because all I see is her crazy eye. Why would they cast someone with such a blatantly visible flaw? I mean, I think it's worse than Owen Wilson's nose or Melissa Joan Hart's mismatched face (this bugs my mom, I actually like her and don't mind her one droopy side).

Anyway, I think I've just about given up on NCIS: L.A. If I hear that Ruah's gone, I might go back to it, but right now I'm addicted to HGTV and dramas just aren't doing it for me, with the exception of "The Good Wife". If you're a woman, you should check it out. It's very entertaining. If you're a dude, it's probably not for you.

We Could All Learn Something from Conan

In an attempt to follow Conan O'Brien's advice in his final words on "The Tonight Show" I am going to try to keep this blog positive, at least at the beginning. Right now, I am pregnant with a little girl due at the end of May. Obviously for the past several months I've been thinking of different parenting methods, daydreaming about what her talents would be, praying for her to be intelligent, figuring out how to financially support another life and of course, making a list of important lessons.

Up until recently when I found out she was indeed a she, I was convinced she was a he so my thoughts about life-lessons mostly focused on how chivalrous my son was going to be. Every time a man didn't offer me a chair, I thought, my son will know better. When a male neighbor didn't nod his head at me after passing me on the stairs, I thought, my son will have much better social skills. And when one specific superior at work acted in his typically unsympathetic fashion to the fact that my entire body is fatter and weaker, I thought, thank God my son's biggest male influence in his life will be my husband, and he'll know how women should be treated.

Now I know I'm having a little girl, my entire lesson plan has altered slightly, but thanks to Conan O'Brien, I have my first entry ready to go. It's a lesson that I rarely exhibit myself but now I will try to on a regular basis. In Conan's last speech, he looked at the camera and began by stating that since these were his last few moments at NBC, he could really say whatever he wanted. I was expecting some sly backhanded slam at the troubled network, one that couldn't literally be taken as "badmouthing" since apparently his out-contract prohibits him from saying anything negative, but something cleverly stated around those stipulations.

Instead, with tears in his eyes, he starts going through his career at NBC starting as a writer for Saturday Night Live in 1988, that would make him 25 years old, pretty much the beginning of his adult life and me, 8 years old, pretty much the age when I started watching and enjoying the less mature jokes on Saturday Night Live. Now anyone around my age, born in 1980, remembers how Saturday nights went from the ages of 8 to about 13, or at least this is how mine went. We would have all girl sleepovers. When we got a little older, we would hope that our friends' brothers would be having a sleepover, too, but nothing went passed a little flirting with those boys, then we would sit together and watch Saturday Night Live, actually live on Saturday night.

Little did I know that the genius behind the sketches making us laugh so hard and mimic at school the following week was Conan O'Brien. Then came "The Simpsons". Now I do remember Simpson's notebooks and paraphernalia getting banned at my Catholic school, but for the most part, I don't think parents or even teachers were discouraging students from watching it. They just wanted to keep it separate from the learning process. That didn't work so well for me. In the next 12 years of my schooling, I think I can count 3 different theoretical papers and one speech that I gave about "The Simpsons". Hey, I'm a T.V. addict, what else am I going to write or talk about? And the most influential seasons for me, came from Conan O'Brien's fingertips.

Then came "Late Night with Conan O'Brien". To this day, I don't watch the Late Show live. Occasionally, I watched David Letterman to see the Top Ten List, and honestly, I was only 13 when Conan took over so I was still probably going to bed super early (what am I talking about, still? I would go to bed at 9 now if I weren't working). The one thing I knew, though, was that it was a big deal that this Conan O'Brien guy was taking over. The whole thing was big. My family was happy that David Letterman was moving to an earlier time slot on CBS because they always liked him much more than Leno, and Conan had already built a pretty big name for himself, plus, he was an Irish Catholic. We liked him by default.

Eventually "Late Night" started getting aired on Comedy Central the next day, and I began watching Conan more regularly. I would be sitting alone in my apartment laughing hysterically out loud with my window open. What people walking by must have wondered. I started to study up on this Conan guy and found out about his past resume including his Bachelor of Arts from Harvard among several other commendations. He was no phony. This guy was and is a genius, and we Americans are all better off for this genius having chosen comedy as his preferred field as opposed to something that has no beneficial effect on us whatsoever like astrophysics or law (sarcasm button... slightly, I'm still serious about the comedy thing). I even ordered a t-shirt with a cartoon Conan O'Brien on it from NBC. I still have it and wear it.

It seems like yesterday when NBC announced that Conan would eventually take over "The Tonight Show", but when it happened, I remember thinking that it was SO far away. Then all of a sudden, it was 2009, and boom, there was Conan in an earlier time slot. I still don't watch it live because I don't watch anything live. Even if I want to watch something live, I Tivo it, then watch it 18 minutes later. Sorry advertisers. But I do Tivo Conan every single night. I wouldn't say that I watch every minute of every show because we all know that some celebrities are more boring than others, and some I honestly just don't like, but for someone who isn't a loyal talk show watcher and who would never make the effort to watch Letterman regularly and never Leno, this was a big deal. I secretly hope that the satellite companies can tap into my DVR system and figure my recordings into ratings. I know that ratings are all about advertising and if I'm not watching commercials, then I really don't count at all, but a girl can hope.

The point is, Conan is awesome. He's funny, clever, self-deprecating and genuine, and now after watching his final episode I can add graceful, dignified, and loyal. Even after getting royally screwed by NBC, even after having his dream job ripped from him so callously, he remained poised and complimented the network that had employed him for nearly 25 years.

In his last words he stated that whatever the differences were right now between him and NBC, they had had a very good relationship over the past 2 decades and the network was responsible for the majority of his success as an adult. He said that we as viewers have nothing to worry about with him, that he has had so many positive things happen to him in his life that he is happy and grateful. He emphasized that we shouldn't feel sorry for him that he was just lucky that he got to do his dream job for 7 months. He said that if he has to do his show in a 7-11 parking lot, he'll do it, but he's thankful for the outpour of support over these past few weeks. Then the next thing he said hit home. He told us as viewers but especially young people to not be cynical; it's the quality he despises most in people. He said that nothing in life is going to turn out exactly like we planned, but if we're good honest people, we will be rewarded in one way or another. He told us not to be cynical about this or anything.

This is the first bit of advice I'll put on the docket of etiquette and life lessons for my daughter. Nothing will go exactly as planned, but keep your head high and push on, and don't ever feel wronged or bitter. Take everything that happens to you both positive and negative, and learn from it. I know that I still need to learn this from Conan O'Brien, but hopefully my daughter will be a better person than I.

I've been trying to follow his advice, but would he put being vindictive in a subcategory of cynicism? The truth is, I've never thought twice or cared whether Jay Leno succeeded or failed. He's never been on my radar, and even years ago when I learned that his show beat out Letterman, I was surprised because I had NEVER met anyone who watched him, but now I hope he falls on his ass and burns. I can't wait for his ratings to drop so low that NBC realizes that it was all Johnny Carson who set up Leno's success and had nothing to do with that ego-maniac.

I am going to watch Letterman live along with every boring, agonizing minute of commercials and I recommend everyone do this just so Leno's show flops.

I was recently watching TMZ, and I actually enjoy Harvey Levin as the news director. When he goes off on his factual tangents, I'm always eager to learn some new fact that he's sharing with us while his employees get all glassy eyed and dazed. I think he's intelligent and insightful, but I do prefer him as a news director to a reporter himself. I also share his love, not obsession, for the show "Dexter". However, Harvey, I'm sorry but you're an idiot for saying that Conan O'Brien was acting like a baby. First of all, I don't believe that for one second, but if I did, how would you act if you had been promised then given your dream job, then had it unnecessarily and undeservedly taken away? I doubt anyone would go out with as much tact and wit as Conan. Let's be honest, NBC made a HUGE error in judgement, they took it way to far before they realized the mistake they had made, and they had to follow through with it. That is the only logical explanation. Good luck to them.... NOT!

I truly love you, Conan, and while I don't know your wife, I love her, too, because I trust that the woman you decided to spend your life with and make a family with is just as cool a person as you, and I love your children because I can't wait to see what your offspring offers to the world. I will miss you, Conan, and support you in whatever is the next endeavor of your life. Hopefully, I'll see you soon.

Brittany Murphy's Gross Husband

It is the day after the shocking news of Brittany Murphy's death. While I was never a fan, I don't want to see a young person's life cut short, and who didn't love her in Clueless? I also don't want to speak ill of the dead so I'm just going to speak ill of her widower, Simon Monjack. He is a fat disgusting balding slob of a human with a criminal record, outstanding debt and nearly no accomplishments to speak of except marrying someone completely out of his league.

Usually when I'm completely flabbergasted by a mismatched couple, I'm able to come up with my own little make-believe story about why or how they fell in love. Take Fergie and Josh Duhamel. Duhamel is arguably one of the top ten hottest actors in Hollywood right now. Years ago whenever I was in a bad mood, I would just watch the scene in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton where he takes his shirt off, and I felt better.

I was sickened when I learned that he was engaged and now married to Fergie. If you look at pictures of them from their honeymoon as if you didn't know that they were famous, like they're just two unknowns enjoying their vacation, you would still wonder why this tall handsome beefcake is with this awkward, dowdy little mess of a woman. But I rationalized this mismatched relationship by convincing myself that she's a cool funny woman who's super successful, a good singer and dancer (even though Fergalicious is one of the worst songs ever written and a complete ripoff of Bootylicious), and Duhamel can pretty much guarantee that she'll never cheat on him since it's doubtful that there is any guy in the world as hot as he is who would touch her. It also made so much sense when it came out that he was cheating on her. Actually, unlike my angry Tiger Woods reaction, I was quite relieved by that news. It was like, "Ah, finally, something in this bizaare union makes sense."

This brings me to Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack. Not in my wildest imagination could I come up with some sort of logical explanation for why they were together unless he was drugging her. That's my explanation only confirmed by the countless prescriptions found in her home and her untimely death.

Justin Timberlake should act for real

Since I've known who Justin Timberlake was, I've always been a fan. First secretly because NSync wasn't exactly my kind of music in the late 90s. I thought, I'm not going to admit it, but that baby-faced light haired guy is kinda hot. Then he rocked our bodies with his singing, dancing and beat-boxing (is that the word I'm looking for) skills in the early 2000s. I came right out and said, I like Justin Timberlake, he's hot and talented and if I ever were to meet him I would totally jump on the groupie bandwagon. Since then, he's gotten more likable, more wide-ranging offers and more publicity (i.e. "Dick in a Box"). He's proven to have hidden talents beyond what anyone ever expected out of this little Mickey Mouse Club member, but truth be told, I've never seen one movie of his.

I'm truly not a movie buff. I usually forget the names of movies shortly after I see them, and I generally just return to the same stupid comedies or awesome dramas that I love (Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, Goodfellas, The Fugitive). So if I'm missing some groundbreaking performance of JT's please enlighten me because I want him to succeed as an actor. Personally, I think that his days of just taking whatever script is handed to him are long over. He should be competing for roles with Leo and Matt Damon. Now, I could be totally wrong. He may just have the comedic element in his acting, but he is popular, credible and multi-talented; I really think he needs to hold out for an Oscar-worthy performance.

Cheating Tiger Woods

When I initiated conversation about the recent Tiger Woods scandal at work yesterday, my coworkers snapped back with a hostile, "Why do you even care?" Why do I care? Because it's Tiger Woods. Because a man who has shown in the past to have almost no weaknesses just committed the weakest sin a man could commit. Because while I respect him as a golfer and don't want to see his relationship with his wife end up like Phil Hartman's did, I've never really been a fan, and it's nice to see him knocked down a peg or two.

I figured that their, "Why do I care?" question was just a rhetorical one and that all my responses were understood. I simply responded with a shocked blank stare. My boss proceeded to ask how any of his discretions were our business. This I actually had an answer to. Now it's been about 10 years since I've taken first amendment law so I'm a bit rusty, but I seem to remember something about public figures giving up their right to privacy .. uh especially when that public figure crashes into public property like say.. a fire hydrant.

My boss' response, "Is he a public figure by choice or did we make him one?" My answer was, "It doesn't matter." But it still kept bugging me when I went home last night. While I know that every public figure from Monica Lewinsky to the guy who caught the ball at the Cubs game (hey I like the guy) involuntarily gives up their right to privacy once they've become famous, is it ethically right for us to get involved? I still arrived at the answer, "Yes." The poor Cubs guy shouldn't have left Chicago and changed his identity. I do not agree with his crucification, but if that' s the story, the media just follows it. And for Lewinsky, come on, she capitalized on her home-wrecker status.

As for Tiger Woods, did he voluntarily become a public figure? Besides the fact that he grew up American and is well aware what happens to professional athletes, he's signed multimillion dollar contracts with Nike, Gatorade among others, and he married a Swedish supermodel. Yeah, I think he willingly took the spotlight. And as usual, a scorned celebrity is missing the big picture. America is forgiving. We are. Trust me. I've worked in media, I'm a television addict and I understand human nature being the extremely flawed person that I am.

Tiger is in the public eye and he needs to accept it and embrace it. His public announcement on his website was all about HIM and his privacy and his own business. The only thing I heard in his entire confession/apology/plea for privacy was this: blah blah blah I'm a whiny jerk who cheated on my wife now leave me alone. So why couldn't he have just said that? It sucks that he cheated on her. It was possibly the cruelest and most selfish act he could have ever committed against his family, but you know what, I'm not perfect, I'm pretty sure neither are you so I get it. But don't sit there are criticize me for taking an invested interest in Tiger's lack of perfection until he comes out and says, "I'm a total jerk. My wife has every right to leave me and take my family from me. If I honestly thought that I could get away with this being the person I am, then not only am I a jerk, but I'm stupid, too. My wife is a lovely woman who deserves better, my kids deserve better, but I intend to spend the rest of my days convincing them that this will never happen again and that I will be the husband and father they deserve. Now I'm looking forward to the next big news story so this will all be considered old news."

I just wanted him to admit that he's a stupid jerk. That's it. Would I be done talking about it? Probably not, but I'd have more respect for him, and patiently wait for the next big scandal so I could talk about that to death.